Reruns of the past keep playing out before my very eyes
I'm watching shadows of our younger selves have snowball fights in the driveway
I'm watching the four of us sort Halloween candy on the dining room table
I'm watching Mom decorate for the holidays and sing along to all her favorite songs
My throat feels like I swallowed a bag of razor blades
And for the past two months, my soul has felt the same way
I'm standing on the cliff of a canyon that I keep filling up
With junk food wrappers and with receipts I never file
And I can't stop picturing that one day I will have thrown away enough
To simply walk across, then start to journey forward and away from the other side
Last night I lost my voice
Laughing with my friends
At all the jokes we crack
I never want it back
Cuz all I ever use it for now
Is to find ways to rephrase
How despondent I've been feeling
And I'm helpless to change it
And if I could stop shoveling my sorrow into these two-bit songs
Well then, maybe one day I'll find something worthwhile to say again
Friday, November 21, 2014
Monday, January 6, 2014
In Response To The Response To "SNL Hires Black Actress" Or Whatever The Ignorant Futsmud Used To Title His/Her Article
Inspired by the following post by a fellow blogger.
- I'm not sure SNL would ever hire any Albinos or gingers anyway. Wouldn't the spotlights give them sunburn?
- I'm worried how many orange spray-tanned valley girls I've just convinced to go taste their black boyfriends' skin to see if they taste like chocolate.
- After reading the article, I was surprised to find out her salary was not coupons to KFC.
- Maybe the article title is not as offensive as we think it is. Maybe she asked them to use that title so she could keep collecting welfare.
- I've watched the actress grow up in her comedic career. She's not that funny, but I (and apparently SNL) take pity on her because she has no idea who her father is. Nor who the father(s) of her children are.
- Further down the MSN homepage, I read that the New York watermelon industry is projected to improve greatly in coming months. It makes sense, between all the skits they'll be used in and all the backstage snack tables they'll be served on.
- The black actress and the liver-spotted old man could never be in the same skit. She'd start licking all his spots, then be disappointed that they don't taste like liver, then somehow she'd take a deep personal offense to that fact and beat him up. Actually, if SNL is smart, they'll let that happen. Watching old people get beaten up and watching black people be themselves is always hilarious.
- I hope they don't let her write any of the skits. All the lines will be filled with grammatical errors, or be rendered illegible by grape Kool-Aid stains.
- Of course, the valley girls couldn't write the skits either. Assuming they can write in the first place, every other word would be "like", "you know", or some texting abbreviation they think is appropriate to use outside of a text message.
- Immediately after I read the title of the article, I thought to myself, "Well, I hope they fire her."
In case you felt the author was too harsh or biting (which she wasn't at all), here is a list of things she could've said but chose not to.
- As I finished writing this post, I worried I might offend the real minority, the Albinos. Then I realized I had nothing to worry about. It's not like any of them can afford internet.
- I'm not sure SNL would ever hire any Albinos or gingers anyway. Wouldn't the spotlights give them sunburn?
- I'm worried how many orange spray-tanned valley girls I've just convinced to go taste their black boyfriends' skin to see if they taste like chocolate.
- After reading the article, I was surprised to find out her salary was not coupons to KFC.
- Maybe the article title is not as offensive as we think it is. Maybe she asked them to use that title so she could keep collecting welfare.
- I've watched the actress grow up in her comedic career. She's not that funny, but I (and apparently SNL) take pity on her because she has no idea who her father is. Nor who the father(s) of her children are.
- Further down the MSN homepage, I read that the New York watermelon industry is projected to improve greatly in coming months. It makes sense, between all the skits they'll be used in and all the backstage snack tables they'll be served on.
- The black actress and the liver-spotted old man could never be in the same skit. She'd start licking all his spots, then be disappointed that they don't taste like liver, then somehow she'd take a deep personal offense to that fact and beat him up. Actually, if SNL is smart, they'll let that happen. Watching old people get beaten up and watching black people be themselves is always hilarious.
- I hope they don't let her write any of the skits. All the lines will be filled with grammatical errors, or be rendered illegible by grape Kool-Aid stains.
- Of course, the valley girls couldn't write the skits either. Assuming they can write in the first place, every other word would be "like", "you know", or some texting abbreviation they think is appropriate to use outside of a text message.
- Immediately after I read the title of the article, I thought to myself, "Well, I hope they fire her."
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