In case you felt the author was too harsh or biting (which she wasn't at all), here is a list of things she could've said but chose not to.
- As I finished writing this post, I worried I might offend the real minority, the Albinos. Then I realized I had nothing to worry about. It's not like any of them can afford internet.
- I'm not sure SNL would ever hire any Albinos or gingers anyway. Wouldn't the spotlights give them sunburn?
- I'm worried how many orange spray-tanned valley girls I've just convinced to go taste their black boyfriends' skin to see if they taste like chocolate.
- After reading the article, I was surprised to find out her salary was not coupons to KFC.
- Maybe the article title is not as offensive as we think it is. Maybe she asked them to use that title so she could keep collecting welfare.
- I've watched the actress grow up in her comedic career. She's not that funny, but I (and apparently SNL) take pity on her because she has no idea who her father is. Nor who the father(s) of her children are.
- Further down the MSN homepage, I read that the New York watermelon industry is projected to improve greatly in coming months. It makes sense, between all the skits they'll be used in and all the backstage snack tables they'll be served on.
- The black actress and the liver-spotted old man could never be in the same skit. She'd start licking all his spots, then be disappointed that they don't taste like liver, then somehow she'd take a deep personal offense to that fact and beat him up. Actually, if SNL is smart, they'll let that happen. Watching old people get beaten up and watching black people be themselves is always hilarious.
- I hope they don't let her write any of the skits. All the lines will be filled with grammatical errors, or be rendered illegible by grape Kool-Aid stains.
- Of course, the valley girls couldn't write the skits either. Assuming they can write in the first place, every other word would be "like", "you know", or some texting abbreviation they think is appropriate to use outside of a text message.
- Immediately after I read the title of the article, I thought to myself, "Well, I hope they fire her."
