Where's The Tylenol?

I've never understood the point of screaming into a pillow. If I scream, I want to be heard. I want to be able to hear myself screaming and hear what I'm screaming to see if I have a legitimate argument, to see if I'm justified in screaming what I'm screaming, if I'm justified to even be screaming at all.

I know, I know: 

Nostalgia's Overrated

Watched School Of Rock tonight with my brothers and mom. I love that movie so much. I would easily put it in a list of Top Ten Best Movies Of All Time. I say this, of course, without having seen many of what other people call the classics. There's a part of me that thinks that I would still rate School Of Rock that highly even after having seen "the classics".

Spent today making Yu-Gi-Oh cards of Danny Phantom characters. Considering I wanna make sure certain characters have related effects, I didn't really get to make cards of the more popular characters. Most of the ones I made were villains, all of them were ghosts. 24 total, I think. I feel pretty accomplished.

Watching School Of Rock, I started to groove in my seat when "My Brain Is Hanging Upside Down (Bonzo Goes To Bitburg)" by The Ramones started to play. I absolutely love that song, but I'd forgotten all about it, so I was glad that we had watched the movie so that I was reminded of it. After the movie was over and my mom had gone to bed, I got on the computer to listen to the whole song. It's on the School Of Rock soundtrack, and I own that, but I knew I'd be getting back on the computer anyway, so I figured I'd just look it up instead. The whole time, I got to thinking about how I'd forgotten the song, and started to worry for some odd reason. My thoughts started to snowball and I worried - Maybe I have been deceived. This song is so good. All the songs back then were so good. Man, that was rock and roll! And here I am, stuck in my modern little bubble of pop-punk. Maybe I'll clear all the Four Year Strong off my phone and fill it back up with AC/DC. So, I found a video with decent sound quality and listened to it ... and wasn't impressed, for whatever reason. So I found another video with HD quality (it said so in the title, but it wasn't a lie) and listened to it and fell in love all over again. I honestly do enjoy the Ramones. But off to the side in the suggested video list was a link to "Logan Circle" by the Wonder Years. It was one I never heard before so I thought to myself - I'll do a little test. See how today's music compares to the classics (now that I've reacquainted myself with them). And I listened to it. And, it, too, was very good. It, too, was heartfelt, meaningful. The Ramones wrote "Bonzo" about Reagan's trip to Bitburg cemetery in Germany. I read that and went - Huh. Good music and pointful lyrics. And then I listened to "Logan Circle" and went - Huh. Good music and pointful lyrics. So I came to the conclusion that, despite what the complainers want you to believe, rock music hasn't really changed. The conventions of instrumentation have changed, but they're still powerful, still focused on sounding good and being fun to play. And the topics we sing about have changed, but we're still picking out things to rant about and finding clever ways to phrase our frustration. We're still sticking it to the man. We are. I assure you, we are.
So I'm not feeling bad anymore about claiming to be a punk rocker but being a proponent of modern music. What did Billy Joel sing? "It's still rock and roll to me?" That's exactly how I'm feeling.

On a somewhat related note, I continued my listening spree by clicking on a song of the Wonder Years' titled "I Won't Say The Lord's Prayer". And it was your nowadays-typical anti-religion rant. I had to think of a way to phrase that, because they're not atheist songs (it's fine line they walk, but they're not atheist), and it's becoming an increasingly popular topic to write about. Another example is "An Old Book Misread" by Set Your Goals, the title being a knock on the Bible. They all seem to focus around being forced into religion, being encouraged not to think, etc. All the cliched atheist arguments without ever claiming that there's no God. And it's a hard pill to swallow for me, cuz I have such a close relationship with God, and to think these talented people (so obviously blessed by God that they have these talents) are struggling with people who are going about sharing God with them in the wrong way, so now they're turned away completely. But that could be said without the mention of the songs. I guess I'm nervous whenever I listen to these songs and I hear a line and go - Hmm, good point. For instance, in "I Won't Say..." there's a line:

These billboards that flaunt these scare tactics make me think you're only good if you're afraid of being punished.

Now there's not a lot of these "kind" of signs around here where I live, but I took a trip to Texas this summer, drove through "The Bible Belt", and I did indeed see these kinds of signs. Honestly, up till then, I half thought they didn't exist - they were stuff of legend, a very unsettling legend. They make me think what we believers must seem like to those riding the fence. And it's unfair cuz the minority of religious radicals that go and put these signs up make it seem like they are the mentality of all religious people. And it's not. There are a lot of us, a lot more than the media would have you believe, that actually practice what we preach, so to speak. That don't judge, and are tolerant and (at least try to be) welcoming.

And it's as much odd as it is unsettling, my relationship with these songs; because I'm as questioning as the songs' authors seem to be. My mom brought it to my attention once how Jesus lived during the time of the Romans - the biggest clean-freaks in world history. Jesus wasn't there to cause a ruckus just for the sake of causing a ruckus - he would've obeyed the laws, he would've remained cleanshaven. So all these pictures that show Jesus with long hair are logically a fallacy. And I don't say it to be blasphemous, but Jesus had a sense of humor. When the Disciples questioned him as to why he sat with the sinners, and he responded, "It is not the healthy that need a doctor, but the sick," that was as much sardonic as it was prophetic, at least how I read it.
I don't know. My mom says I worry too much. I think I just think too much sometimes.

As I'm typing now, this all happened yesterday. Today was fun because we watched How To Train Your Dragon and then watched some epicsodes of Dragons: Riders Of Berk that we had recorded. My little brothers coined the phrase "epicsode(s)" to describe how awesome (or "epic", rather) each episode of the TV show was. And whilst enjoying a fine lunch from McDonald's, that pretty much took up the afternoon. But it was fun, though, very fun. It was another world to get lost in, yes, but in this world it was very nice to get to relax and hang out with my brothers and my mom. I love them so much.
So yesterday was all philosophical and thought-provoking in terms of music, and today I have the theme from How To Train Your Dragon stuck in my head. It's funny how stuff like that happens.

I don't really have a song for thought today. Sometimes there don't have to be words with the music to have it get you thinking. If I had a recommendation, it'd be to start watching Dragons: Riders Of Berk on Cartoon Network so you can appreciate a good new show and get that blasted film score stuck in your head too.

Black Friday

It's hard to wake up when the shades have been pulled shut

This house is haunted, it's so pathetic, it makes no sense at all

I'm ripe with things to say; the words rhyme then fall away

If a stupid poem could fix this home, I'd read it every day

 

"Stay Together For The Kids" - blink-182

I originally thought that "Black Friday" would be a fitting title in reference to today in this household. But inevitably, the darkness always comes to pass. Even when wallowing in it feels good, when forgetting what happiness feels like and convincing yourself that staying this way seems like the logical choice, you realize it's not a choice. It's a fact. The darkness always comes to pass.

Set Your Goals has a song called "Happy New Year". It's a tongue-in-cheek kind of title, with the subject matter and overall feel of the song actually very dismal. I was about to type "hopeless", but then I remembered the bridge lyrics and the interview I read. One of the band's two frontmen, Matt Wilson, wrote the song after his mother died. He said he actually intended for the song to be one of hope and anticipation of new beginnings but that it still came out the darkest song on the album. My point being, I don't like staying angry at people, and I have little devices for each of those close to me that I use to stop or lessen my being mad at them. In terms of my mother, I sing "Happy New Year". It reminds me of how sad I'd be if she were gone. Technically, of how sad I'll be when she's gone. Yeah, when I start thinking morbidally like that, it normally does the trick and I'm not mad at her anymore. Normally, it also helps me to start to see things from her point of view, I start to realize how I am in the wrong, and I sober up.

We, as a family, sat around the TV tonight and watched the iCarly series finale together. I'm so sad it's over. Towards the end, I didn't even really like the show that much, but I'm so sad to see it end. I just hate when things come to an end. I think I've gone into some sort of night-long depression for every single series finale I've ever seen: Scrubs (not counting the 9th season, which shouldn't count anyway), Monk, Avatar: The Last Airbender, Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide. At one point Nicktoons started airing reruns of Danny Phantom, and of course we recorded them. We watched an episode called "Phantom Planet" and towards the end of it I went, "That was the series finale, wasn't it?" And it made me all nostalgic for the series so I spent the whole three-day weekend watching all the episodes online, and I spent the whole time in a funk and honestly I spent the rest of the week in a funk. I was just so distraught that it was over and it was kind of disheartening because it was 5 years after the show had originally ended. So, yeah, I'm still a little heartbroken that iCarly is over, but I spent the time typing this paragraph watching The Avengers so I'm a bit better.

Today was a bittersweet day, so I think I'm sticking with the title. But in the end it wasn't as bad as I felt it and I was going to be this evening. Maybe the future will see the abolishment (abolition?) of Black Friday as a holiday, but I sincerely doubt it. I hope everyone else's day went better than mine. And if you are mourning the loss of iCarly, please know I am whole-heartedly commiserating.

Song for thought:
"Man Overboard" - blink-182

Happy Thanksgiving

Despite the fact that I woke up at noon, it feels like it has been a full day. Had a Thanksgiving-worthy breakfast, soon followed by a very Thanksgiving-worthy lunch with friends. Well, I'm sure it was dinner to them, but we came home and had - in terms of taste, not necessarily variety - a Thanksgiving-worthy dinner. My paternal grandmother came down for dinner (she lives just down the street). She's, um ... a character, to say the least. There were a couple times I had to stonewall myself and "uh-huh" my way through it, but overall she wasn't too bad tonight.
I was watching The Sorcerer's Apprentice the whole time I was typing that first paragraph so it feels like it should be much longer than what it is. That's such a good movie. I know it got a lot of flack and that Nicolas Cage got a lot of flack for doing it, but I enjoy it. Sure, it has its cheesy moments - it's a Disney movie! But otherwise I found it endearing and actually well-written. I think I'm the last person of my generation that likes Nicolas Cage's acting and I was impressed by Jay Baruchel's ability to maintain his awkwardity throughout the whole movie, even after his epiphany that he was the Prime Merlinian. After typing that, I just realized that that's the point. It was a story, it was creative, it was imaginative. It was a fantasy to get lost in. I'm not saying I delved into it as heavily as I did Dragon Ball Z or Danny Phantom, but those were TV shows and this was a movie and for being a movie, it was as inviting and effective as a fantasy can be. At least I thought so. It had every crucial part of the cliche, good vs. evil, the unlikely hero who overcomes the odds, the love interest.
Ah, the love interest. I've been stuck on that thought all day. Ha. I say that like it's a phenomenon. It's always in the back of my mind every day. And I say that like it's a phenomenon, but I'm a teenager - that's nothing abnormal. I guess it just seemed to be popping up at the forefront of my thoughts repeatedly today rather than remaining hidden like I like it to be so I can pretend that I don't care so I can further pretend that I don't want/have to try. There's a song whose lyrics are really sweet and I think I'd like whatever relationship may come to be like the one described in it.
But to revert back to the original point of this post and of this day, at the very basic level, I'm thankful that I'm alive. I'm thankful that I'm here, and that I'm able to type out this post. I'm thankful for my family because I couldn't ask for a better one. Sure, my dad can be a bipolar pain, my younger brother can be an annoying imbecile with an unbelievably skewed list of principles, and my youngest brother's selective hearing makes me want to scream some morals into the boy (I suspect he's hearing impaired like my mother, in which case I will no longer get so angry at him when he doesn't hear.), but honestly these are minor complaints. They are a wonderful family, and I'm very, very grateful for all of them. I'm thankful for all my friends, especially the ones I went to see today because they honestly seem to love spending time with me as much as I love spending time with them. That's a less arrogant thought than it came out. I guess I just have a lot of friends that don't seem to enjoy my company, when I value theirs so greatly. It's not like they put me down or any of those other cliched things that would make a listener say "Well, why don't you just get new friends?" They're not bad friends by any means! I guess I just find myself wondering why they're friends with a lot more often than I think I should have to.
I'm thankful for this one friend in particular. We don't hang out much - actually never have at all. But she's always nice to me and I'm always nice to her. And it's nice to ponder the "what-if"s but my sense of realism keeps them limited. I'd like to compare us to Danny and Sam from Danny Phantom solely because I know how that story ends up, but honestly we're more like Dipper and Wendy from Gravity Falls. She's older and we're not as close. But for the few who are like me and have seen Gravity Falls, you know it's not a bad thing. The friendship's nice and I'm not constantly "woe-is-me"-ing the situation. And for the fact that I've known her for going on three years and, despite having never hung out, we're still friends, I'm extremely greatful.
So there's my little Thanksgiving rant. I doubt this will ever mean anything to anybody anywhere, but it was nice to get it off my chest. I'm a fan of pen and paper, but there's this inexplicable force that seems to lift the burden off your shoulders when you do it electronically. (I think it's because you don't have to hold on to the paper.) Hope everyone else's Thanksgiving was as good as mine. Love you all.

Song for thought:
"'What If We [Swam] Into Nothing?'" - The Wonder Years

"First!" (I Feel Like Such A Hipster)

It's odd how days can seem so divided when you're living them and so uniform in retrospect. I was just sitting here thinking that - Wow, it's been a really good day overall. But then I started to remember all the highs and lows of the day, how at times I felt like giving up and at other times I felt like nothing could stop me. I guess I'm just grateful that at the end of each day, the pros outweigh the cons.

Song for thought:
"Start The Reactor" - Set Your Goals